I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
