WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
