Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
please don't ironically join a cult
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