He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
