Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everclear isn't food dammit
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
