THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
