you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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