Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
