I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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