Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just google imaged poop.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
