If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
