i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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