I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
