You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
