i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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