Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
