belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
