whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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