At least make sure they are 18
Why
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
