I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
