Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
