I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
