He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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