Screwed.edu
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
