On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Farmville is her only friend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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