Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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