You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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