I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
