i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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