you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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