i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
