you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
