No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
