You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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