I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
