Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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