I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
