uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
