If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
