We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
