New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
