Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
