I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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