I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
