summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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