did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
