I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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