dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
