I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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