the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
